Joe Sensitive
"After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup
- Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
- Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
Old Man Grumpus
"People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."
Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey,
Slow Mover, Jerk
- Advantages: Stays put; predictable
- Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass
Flinchy
"I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
- Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
- Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
Bigfoot
"Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb
- Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
- Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
Lazybones
"Zzzzzz"
Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
- Advantages: Well rested; easy target
- Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams
The Sneak
"Who, me?"
Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
- Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
- Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
Ace of Hearts
"After I wash the dishes let's make love like
crazed weasels, OK?"
Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
- Advantages: Perpetually aroused
- Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
The Dreamer
"Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--"
Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
- Advantages: Tells good stories
- Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
Mr. Right
"While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
- Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
- Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction