The 9 types of Girlfriends

"Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"

Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze, Doormat

"You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"

Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell

"Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."

Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy

"Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."

Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom

"I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"

Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey

"I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."

Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out

"I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."

Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly

"I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship."

Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic

"I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!"

Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous