Since im currently interested in theoretical studies, this will be a little heavy on the math. bear with me. i have derived an equation to describe the growth of an icsachick in relation to her time on the net. The differential equation for the growth of her weight is as follows:
yes, it appears to be imposing, but lets dissect it. The letters in the above equation represent:
an intersting note is that the rate of weight gain is INDEPENDANT of her original weight. this is interesting to note because Anderson et al. (1994) and Hassenphefer et al. (1993) proposed that fat chicks gain weight faster while Hall et al. (1994) and Rozeboom and Larsen (1992) put forth the idea that slim chicks gain weight faster. All are in disagreement with the equation I have derived. This is, of course, a theoretical study.
Integrating both sides to solve the DE means we need a constant, which is of course her orginal weight, W. In addition, a new constant in nature has been derived, known as the Joser constant and is notd by the greek J. This constant is a measure of the size of a chicks pants in proportion to her weight in lbs/in of body height and is equal to (exact value) 10.32258065. What this gives us is a chicks predicted jean size, which we can predict after knowing the results of the above equation. Consultation with roomates of said looser (often very easy, they often dislike her as well) will yield the information to fill in the requirements of the equation.
SO what does this all mean to you and me? Well, great economic opportunities are in store for you and me in this age of the information superhighway. I would have to reccomend buying stock in demin and not any one jean company; as she gets bigger and bigger, the iscachick will have to buy more pants until she cant buy 'em no more. Buying into one company is hard because her taste in clothing will go down as her usage of the internet goes up; she'll no longer buy Levi's and LEE and will start buying some off-brand, which is often very hard to predict.
Another great stock option to buy into is the sweat pant market. After a while an isca chick's butt will get too big to fit into any known jean size and she'll have to start buying sweat pants. In addition, my market analyst has told me to buy into General Mills, the maker of Fruit Loops.These are the favorite food of the iscachick and are sure to yield a "large"return on your investment (pun intended). Don't buy into the spandex, though, even though logic says its a good buy (she'll have to get larger stretch shorts to fit her ever increasing ass, etc....). Superstition tells me that the more you buy in stock of this asset the more she'll wear of it, and the world has enough eyesores already, no? As always, mutual funds and all that crap, derivatives, horses and cockfights are all good sound investments as they always have been.
However, keep an eye on the net. During periods of downtime on the net I would recommend buying into an option at the local therapist. These loosers are going to need couselling to get over their addiction when the net dies for a few days (an inevitability due to the increasing size of traffic on the net). For the truly enterprising, start your own BBS; they'll flock to it and you'll make a ton of money.
I sign off of this report with some indications of new directions. I leave to you, Mr. Anderson, the task of correlating the amount of stench she produces in relation to how much she iscas. As for myself , I plan to do an in depth study of why theatre and music wimps think the world revolves around them when we all know they don't contribute diddly to anything. Mr. Anderson, I pray that you dont make the same mistake you did with her rate of weight gain.