THE PHILOSOPHICAL AND PSYCHOSOCIAL BACKGROUND SURROUNDING THE ISCACHICK: A FREUDIAN ON-LINE RELATIONSHIP OR SIMPLY #$%@&*$ ANNOYING

The recent resurrection of the study of iscachikus megalobuttus by Nazario and Anderson, independantly, has subsequently brought a new item to ligth. This topic is this (sounds like David Atenborough on PBS): What drives these beasts to act as they do? Why is it the lower strata in the social ladder almost exclusively make up the beast.Most importantly, what kinda guy is sitting on the other end of the line...."

In the past, the works of Nazario and Moen tried to establish a freudian Electra complex, where the iscachick used the Net as a surrogate parent, possibly filling the void left by the ever decreasing "nuclear family" or perhaps to hide there shame. Certain Lutheran colleges, Concordia and Luther colleges in especial, frown upon the disintegration of the "Mom. Dad, two kids, a dog, and a white picket fence", instead establishing a pseudoreality among their students with slogan and dogma ("Everthing is going to be all-right {a secret reference to a political condition rather than a state on mind}", "get away and think", "and more blatantly, "obviously Luther is number one" {a sidenote-the slogan was originall meant to be "obviously Luther is the numb-brain one"}).

Editor's Note: The 'obviously Luther is number one' slogan was conceived and pushed after the Olin foundation (owner of Winchester Repeating Arms Company, among others) granted a particularly large sum of money to Luther. While the money has helped to establish a more respectable computer science building and department, several statements made by the Olin speaker were rather objectionable, including referring to multi-culturalism as a "fad" and racial integration as "unnecessary."

Even the presidents of these fine school have been quoted as saying "Why, when I was a child, I was beaten regularly, but we were a happy family, at least until dad announced he liked men and ran away with Newt Gingrich's half sister to establish a utopia." With pressure such as this, it is no wonder the Iscachick, according to Moen and Nazario, turns to the net. Correspondingly , it was pointed out by Stout and Baldoch (1994), that the simple logistics of anatomy prevent the Iscachick from engaging in manual stimulation (or, as Baldoch so profoundly and succinctly coined, "wank the wally")

Yet, recent sociological studies by Johnson(1994), Larson (1994), and the Larsen hall corporation (an Iowan think tank usually refering to itself as "Denise the antichrist") have delved deeper in to the Freudian roots. Johnson (1995), refuted the idea that the Iscachicks come from broken homes, and infact are a bit coddled. In his famous "fat mom, skinny mom" speach, Johnson demonstrated an austounding truism of the development patterns of the 1980's:

Think of it this way: If you had a skinny mom, and you were sad and depressed, you were told to run around the block, while in the fat mom scenario, you were more likely to be told "Oh, how about a sixth piece of double chocolate fudge overload explosion". Thus, the social and physical condition is perpetuated. Now if you'll excuse me, there is a beautiful girl somewhere, and I will find her...
-E. Johnson (1995)

Another interesting topic was generated by further research into psychosocial references. Freud also postulated women in an Iscachick situation (he referred to the equivalent of his time: The Town Heifer), are not actually compensating, but were merely dropped as children. Often. Cranial studies performed by Anderson revealed no excess of brusies, or anyout ward signs of being dropped repeatedly, but also astutely noted "If they're fat now, it is highly unlikely that this is an overnight occurence. Therefore, I propose they still might have been dropped, and the cushioning of excess lipid protected them from the fall. After all, everone knows 'Weebles wobble but they don't fall down'..."

As a correlation, I propose to you, my esteemed colleagues, the following: based on the works of others on ego studies ("a case study of Robuses Kleinendorfus:egomaniac or just penis envy"), that the internet has taken on a different form: That of savior. In a mental construction, the Iscachick has in her mind the "be all, end all of human existence: sex" (Johnson and Johnson, 1995). They see the internet as any easy access to this constructed world, where people are regarded without reference to size, personality, but merely on creative writing ability. This is heaven to the pseudointellectual type, who regard themselves as slightly better than the rest of us, since they met their "significant other" on the superhighway. It should be pointed out that this is not a new occurance, as truck drivers have been picking up temorary signifcant others at truck stops for years. This brings up the following categories. Since the Iscachick regards the 'net as heaven, there are presently different groups, or, if you please, religions, based on the Iscachick's view of life and the net as a whole. Similar to the concept of Episcopalians as "Lutherans who have made it in the world", The iscachick sees themself as "the net user who has surpassed normal use."

Nazario once noted, through the the amazing process of deification (not defecation), that these creatures can justify their excessive, exclusive use of the net through a Nietzsche-esque "ubermensch" argument: That is-I am better than the rest, because I have a boyfriend who I have never met by using a false name, a false personality, and an old picture of Christy Brinkley that i sent to him a while back. Nietzche refers to these type of people as "fit for slavery, or at least a good smack in the noggin (his words, not mine)". Wittigstein, the philosophy of whom is extremely reminicent of Nazario, once stated of the same problem "they're just fucking huge....I'd never touch one even if I was high. If it came down to a date with (an Iscachick equvalent) or masturbation, hello lefty!"

The next work should deal with the denominations. Til then, I tried.

XOXOXOXOX Pete